MonoMonoMommy

It all started when I was 19wks pregnant. I have a blood disorder which required a level two ultrasound done by a fetal specialist. I counted down the days till this appointment for weeks..I was so excited to know what we were having, mostly so I could start shopping and end the bet my husband and I had going on. He has been rooting for a boy since day one.. We have a 5yr old son named Drake at home so I was ready for my girl!
Well, the day had come and there I was in the waiting room of the specialist office..They called me back, my heart was racing and Michael, my husband had a permanent smile on his face. I laid down on the table but Michael had to use the restroom so we waited.. The technician and I talked about my son and how crazy it would be to have multiples and how crazy I would be if I had them. Michael came back in, sat down and we both stared at this huge tv screen in front of us. As the probe was placed on my stomach the image popped up and showed two circles.. Two .. Not one! Michael started clapping saying "yeah, boy that's how I throw 'em!" In his country twang. I sat there and said repeatedly "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" The tech then announced "Twins!"
I will never forget that moment. My mind instantly went to all that I needed to buy .. A bigger car, two cribs, two car seats .. Two of everything! In my head I was saying "I can't do this" but for some reason the words came out of my mouth.. "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Funny how later those words would resound in my head.
Well, the lady looked and looked and her attitude went from joy to a more serious tone...Her exact sentence that began all my worry was "The doctor will be in shortly to bring you back to reality." I stopped smiling, at that moment. I knew things were far more serious than the two cribs I'd be needing.
The tech rubbed the jelly off my tummy and said the Dr. Would be in soon. I looked at Michael and said "I'm worried, why did she make that comment?" He said "oh it's nothing." being the reassuring husband he is.
Minuets passed and the Dr. Came in. He sat down and started scanning My stomach..He dove right in by saying .. "You have Mono/mono identical twin boys meaning they are in the same sac, this is a high risk, very rare thing to occur and your chances of both babies making it are 50/50."
Wow, wait.. What?! I felt like I had emotionally climbed to the top of my Mt. Everest and as I stood at the top looking at its beauty someone pushed me off the side of it. Falling to deep despair. But little did I know he wasn't done.
He continued.. " Also baby "B" has a heart abnormality and has a absent corpus collosum in the brain..and he could possibly be mentally retarded or have Down syndrome or some type of chromosomal problem.
My mountain got higher and my fall got harder as I landed. I was in shock. No tears (yet) no emotion. Michael reached for my hand and rubbed it. He knew I was dying inside.
This doctor didn't give us much hope, he even followed all this by saying since they are Identical, more than likely both baby's will have brain issues or structural issues. The next words from him were "termination." I couldn't believe how abrupt he was.. It was almost as though this was our sentencing and you better get out while you can.
I got into the truck to go home and lost it crying, angry, shocked and mad..Why us?! Michael god love him, said "baby, you don't know the outcome of this and neither does this doctor." He was and is my rock.
I called my mom who had been blowing my phone up, she had her motherly intuition radar going off. She said hello and I lost it again.. Something about your moms voice that rings comfort and security to let your walls fall down .. I got out the word " tw-I-n-s!" And she started screaming with joy .. I said there was more and explained all we had just heard. We cried but in those tears there wasn't lack of hope.