MonoMonoMommy: 2012

Owen and Quinn together again

11:11 AM

It's been 6 days since Owen was born and 4 days since we said goodbye to him. It was in fact the hardest thing I've ever had to do. All the plans and dreams I had for him are gone..the nursery just sits. It's heart breaking.
Owen was a strong little fighter he truly lived up to his name. He was so precious.. His image is constantly on replay in my mind. I saw my little man for not long but he's forever in my heart.
His body was swelling from his failing kidneys and his heart was beating only because of a machine. When we made the decision to take him off the ventilator there was no doubt in my mind that it was the right choice. The hardest choice? Yes.. But the right one. He took one little breath and was gone. He's with his brother now I'm sure they are causing chaos in heaven some where. I take heart in knowing I will see them again soon in heaven.
This journey has been a long one that has brought me to my knees but sometimes that's where you need to end up. Possibly the hardest part in all this was watching my husbands pain..I never loved a man so much that to see him hurt only intensified the pain I already felt. He is my rock.
I find myself watching Drake run and play and just thanking God for his every breath. Life is so very fragile and in all this I've learned to appreciate it.

This journey hasn't been all In vain. I have met some of the greatest people and moms out there .. We've had people from Russia, Australia, the UK, Canada and New Zealand praying for us and even people who can relate and have found hope in mine and Michael's strength. I believe Owen and Quinn had a purpose they just fulfilled it without having to be on this earth long.
The nurses at South Miami and Miami children's have been so wonderful.. They genuinely cared and were so good to us, I believe I can call most of them friends.
My Doctor, Dr. Salinger..possibly one of the kindest doctors I've ever met who is honest and upfront. He never gave up on us and made our rare case seem conquerable. We appreciate him so very much.
Thank you everyone for your prayers each one was heard.

Love,
Michael, Lauren & Drake

Mono twin birth

The unexpected arrival of Owen Michael Fuquay

8:31 AM

On Monday the 19th I went in to palm beach for my routine ultrasound. The tech told me that I hardly had any amniotic fluid and that what's left was "cloudy" they said I needed to go to Miami hospital ASAP.

So I went down to Miami, they did another ultrasound and it confirmed that the fluid was low, while I was there I started having

contractions that were 5min apart. They were painless but consistent .

They decided that my water could be low because i was dehydrated so they hooked me up to a iv and gave us a room for the night. By the next morning my fluid had gone from 4 to 9! Owen was showing no signs of distress and his heart rate was strong.

I was still contracting but they were giving me meds to help supposedly stop them . They weren't painful at all until around 8pm that night they became pretty intense.. My nurse kept saying oh, I'll bring you a Advil ... Ummm no. I finally said to her at 3am these are REALLY bad! So she decide to check me .. Sure enough I was 2cm dilated and 80% effaced. They started buzzing around like bees then! My doctor said to check me in a hour and if I'm the same then to just monitor me. An hour passed and I hadn't changed but that 3rd hour I had gone from 2cm to 5 1/2 cm fully effaced .. Next thing you know I was being wheeled in for my csection. The night before I had a doctor from the niccu come in and basically tell us that if Owen was to be born that even getting him to breath or to make it the first hour would be a challenge . Not including the surgery he needed to undergo. So as I was wheeled back I had every negative thought running through my head. I figured I was going to be giving birth and shortly saying my goodbyes to my little man.

I entered the surgical room that had 22 Drs., students ,nurses & surgeons standing waiting . Wow, this was serious. They decided that my blood count was low and they needed to put me completely out. Pretty soon the room faded.

I awoke to Michael standing next to me and a nurse pushing on my stomach as hard as she could I screamed out in pain... It was horrific . I had no pain meds in me all had worn off. I begged her to stop. Michael was livid I could see the worry on his face. They said my medicine was being sent over... Ummm really?! Cut me open an lay me here to die is how I felt.

Mean while Owen was still being worked on they pumped his chest 2x and he was breathing . They put him on a ventilator and he was stable .. The doctors were shocked at how well he was doing. They sent him by ambulance to Miami children's where they found he was doing so well that They were able to go in and do part of his heart procedure . They said he did perfect. Later on that night his blood pressure dropped a bit but they were able to catch it and bring him back to a good point.

I haven't seen him yet .. Only pictures. I want to hold him so bad. I'm still at Miami south hospital which isn't far from where Owens at but my pain level is pretty high and Im pretty worn out. As for now we are taking one day at a time waiting on Owen to gain weight so he can have his heart surgery and get well and come home.

I can't believe how well it's gone and there isn't a second that passes that I'm not thanking god.

Thank you for all who have been praying .

If this message is a little confusing I apologize I'm still on meds.

Mono twins

A little update

4:58 AM

Mono twins

One day at a time dear Jesus

6:03 PM

loss of child

Quinn's journey

3:11 AM

Loss of baby

Broken

2:29 AM

Attitude about my position of latitude.

9:39 AM

Day #7 of my captivity:

I have to admit, when I awoke this morning my attitude was less than positive. My back hurt from being in the bed all day, my tv wasn't working and I just wanted to go home.

Well, after pulling myself out of bed to take a shower I somehow ripped my IV out of my hand gushing blood all over, it was less than fun. My morning just kept getting better. Then after that the nurse came in for my daily steroid butt shot.. Goodness that thing hurts!

After things calmed down I took a deep breath, opened my window (to see my lovely wall view) and just forced myself to stop my negative attitude .. I listed the pros of being where I'm at and started thanking God for putting me here with all these amazing doctors.

I sat down and looked at my cell, I had received the sweetest email from Drakes director at his school..she was genuinely concerned and wanted to know if I needed anything and that she and the whole school was praying for us. Wow, what a awesome thing. It's amazing when you shift your focus and attitude to a thankful heart the blessings come pouring in. Her email meant A lot to me at that moment. I'm so thankful I'm able to send my son to a Christian school where he is loved and truly cared for. That peace of mind is priceless.

Last night I went for my nightly ultrasound and as always I held my breath a little. My eyes always seem to dart straight toward the two little hearts on the screen, seeing them beat is priceless and comforting.

Well normally these babies are ninjas, constantly moving, kicking, punching & rolling around. But as I watched baby A (Quinn) he seemed calm and still . Owen on the other hand was going insane flipping, flopping and being the mini Michael I know he's going to be.

I began to ask why he wasn't moving and why he was so calm? Apparently one of the reactions from the steroid shot for the lungs can cause the babies to "slow down" in movement.. I'm not so thrilled with that and maybe that's where some of my negative attitude came from this morning. But as long as those hearts keep thumping then I have no reason not to be a happy and thankful mama.

My good friend Jane and my Mom brought me tons of goodies. They are so sweet!

Also they offer "craft time" here so I participated in that also.

Baby Prison: Day 6

7:53 AM

Mono mono twin boys

Roller coaster ride..when did I sign up?

8:13 AM

The following weeks after that appointment were some of the hardest so far. We were still happy, yet scared and In some ways scared to be happy. We told all our family and friends and began praying our hearts out.

My not so positive specialist said that he could no longer provide me with the intense care I needed and transferred me to a west palm beach doctor.

The first thing they said that needed to be done was a amnio test where they stick a needle into the womb and withdrawal amniotic fluid and test it for all chromosomal problems.

I was hesitant. There is a 1 in 100 chance of miscarriage following the test. But after thinking about if for awhile I decided I wanted to be able to prepare myself if there was some issue so I would know how to care for my child and have knowledge on my side.

I met 3 different doctors and every single one was more than positive that there would be Down syndrome in both babies. Every visit made me even more discouraged than the last.

The day came for the amnio and they laid me back. I was so tense. Michael left the room.. Needles aren't his cup of tea, especially a 6in one. So, there I laid with my mom holding my hand. I am normally so calm but this had me freaking out ..something about a needle next to my babies ..

"What if you prick them?"

"What if I lose them all together?!"

But they proceeded. There was pressure that had me curling my toes but the pain was minimal. The fluid was drawn within minuets, even though it felt like forever.

They said no house work or any type of lifting.. I had to rest for 3 days.

They also said the results would be back in three weeks but the doctor added that she'd try to get them sooner so, if I chose to abort then I wouldn't miss the legal cut off which is 23wks and at that time I was 20w2d.

We went home and began waiting.

In this waiting time my new doctor said I would have to deliver in Miami so I needed to go meet a infant cardiologist, a obgyn and the heart surgeon who would perform the heart surgery after delivery in Miami. So thats what we did.

We spent a whole day in Miami meeting some of the most highly skilled, reassuring doctors who genuinely cared. I even spoke to the surgeon about the corpus collosum in the brain and he said that in some cases they actually divide it to stop seizures that are happening within children and the children live normal lives.. Wow! After weeks of being told baby "B" was doomed, it was my rainbow. I knew God had handpicked these doctors and place them in my life. They have been truly amazing.

A week went by and it was our appointment day to see what some of the results from the amnio were. I was so anxious. I know Michael was also.

We walked into the genetic counselors office and sat down. She began a family tree that she wanted to trace back to where illnesses came from in our family history .. I wanted to crumble up her little tree and say..

"I've waited long enough give me the news!"

After being on the edge of my chair for 10min she finally said ..

"We haven't got your test results in yet."

Ugh, what a downer! What a waste of a trip, is how I felt.

She then said we now had less than a week to legally do the abortion and that if we chose to do so, they would send us to another state that performs late term abortions. I was angry. Here I am sitting there with these babies kicking my ribs loose and your telling me to kill them? I can feel them, they are real! Who are we to say who's life is valuable and important? God wouldn't have given these babies to us for us to just throw a away. They have a purpose. A calling. A plan. And who am I to stand in the way of that?

That was the day I decided I wasn't going to listen to other peoples opinions or views and stop hanging on to every word a doctor says. He isn't god and doesn't know the out come any better than I do.

Well, we left the appointment went home and about two hours later the phone rang. It was the counselor she said the results had JUST came in and there were NO chromosomal issues in either baby and they were perfectly fine!!!!!! (other than the corpus collosum and heart issue in baby B.)

what an amazing moment my face lit up and Michael gave me a huge hug. I called my mom and told her and we cried,just overjoyed. God is good.

After that it was game time in my head. These babies have a chance and I'm ready to fight and do all I can to get them here, in my arms safely.

Mono amniotic twin boys.

My Mt. Everest

1:55 PM

It all started when I was 19wks pregnant. I have a blood disorder which required a level two ultrasound done by a fetal specialist. I counted down the days till this appointment for weeks..I was so excited to know what we were having, mostly so I could start shopping and end the bet my husband and I had going on. He has been rooting for a boy since day one.. We have a 5yr old son named Drake at home so I was ready for my girl!
Well, the day had come and there I was in the waiting room of the specialist office..They called me back, my heart was racing and Michael, my husband had a permanent smile on his face. I laid down on the table but Michael had to use the restroom so we waited.. The technician and I talked about my son and how crazy it would be to have multiples and how crazy I would be if I had them. Michael came back in, sat down and we both stared at this huge tv screen in front of us. As the probe was placed on my stomach the image popped up and showed two circles.. Two .. Not one! Michael started clapping saying "yeah, boy that's how I throw 'em!" In his country twang. I sat there and said repeatedly "oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" The tech then announced "Twins!"
I will never forget that moment. My mind instantly went to all that I needed to buy .. A bigger car, two cribs, two car seats .. Two of everything! In my head I was saying "I can't do this" but for some reason the words came out of my mouth.. "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Funny how later those words would resound in my head.
Well, the lady looked and looked and her attitude went from joy to a more serious tone...Her exact sentence that began all my worry was "The doctor will be in shortly to bring you back to reality." I stopped smiling, at that moment. I knew things were far more serious than the two cribs I'd be needing.
The tech rubbed the jelly off my tummy and said the Dr. Would be in soon. I looked at Michael and said "I'm worried, why did she make that comment?" He said "oh it's nothing." being the reassuring husband he is.
Minuets passed and the Dr. Came in. He sat down and started scanning My stomach..He dove right in by saying .. "You have Mono/mono identical twin boys meaning they are in the same sac, this is a high risk, very rare thing to occur and your chances of both babies making it are 50/50."
Wow, wait.. What?! I felt like I had emotionally climbed to the top of my Mt. Everest and as I stood at the top looking at its beauty someone pushed me off the side of it. Falling to deep despair. But little did I know he wasn't done.
He continued.. " Also baby "B" has a heart abnormality and has a absent corpus collosum in the brain..and he could possibly be mentally retarded or have Down syndrome or some type of chromosomal problem.
My mountain got higher and my fall got harder as I landed. I was in shock. No tears (yet) no emotion. Michael reached for my hand and rubbed it. He knew I was dying inside.
This doctor didn't give us much hope, he even followed all this by saying since they are Identical, more than likely both baby's will have brain issues or structural issues. The next words from him were "termination." I couldn't believe how abrupt he was.. It was almost as though this was our sentencing and you better get out while you can.
I got into the truck to go home and lost it crying, angry, shocked and mad..Why us?! Michael god love him, said "baby, you don't know the outcome of this and neither does this doctor." He was and is my rock.
I called my mom who had been blowing my phone up, she had her motherly intuition radar going off. She said hello and I lost it again.. Something about your moms voice that rings comfort and security to let your walls fall down .. I got out the word " tw-I-n-s!" And she started screaming with joy .. I said there was more and explained all we had just heard. We cried but in those tears there wasn't lack of hope.

MonoMonoMommy