MonoMonoMommy: Mono amniotic twin loss

Hudson Our Rainbow Baby

5:07 PM

It had been 5 months since we lost the twins when I found out we were expecting Hudson. I was elated, scared and... dreading being pregnant again! I'm not a fan of being a uncomfortable whale for 9 months. But, none the less I accepted the challenge ahead (of course).

I was nervous. Some how after losing a child(ren) you seem to worry more about everything. You just realize how fragile life is. I had counted down the days since the moment I found out we were expecting him. I loved him before I felt his first kicks. And the morning had finally arrived that we were scheduled to meet.

We arrived at the hospital at 6am. All the nurses were ready for me and took me right to my "suite". As they prepped me for surgery (scheduled c-section) I could see Michael was anxious yet so excited. We had waited a very long time to hold a baby.

By 6:45 they were wheeling me back. I kept asking if Michael could come in yet.. I was afraid they were going to forget him, I guess!

Pretty soon he walked in. And a few moments later I heard my baby's cry. All I remember saying over and over is "Is he okay? Is he okay? are your sure he's ok? It's almost like I couldn't believe it was so easy this time. But it was! God is good! I cried almost as much as Hudson.

Drake came to see him that evening. Drake wasn't too excited to have a Brother, I think he was just nervous because he wasn't quite sure what to do with him. But over the next few weeks Drake fell head over heels in love with him. He doesn't leave the house without kissing his little Brother. I believe they will be great friends.

Happy Birthday Hudson Michael Fuquay!

You are loved more than you'll ever know.

January 2nd 2014 6lbs 12oz

Job 1:21

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

and naked I will depart.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

may the name of the Lord be praised.”

baby boy

Reassurance

3:19 PM

It was the lowest point. The worst had become a reality.

I sat in a wheelchair while Michael stared out the window of the children's NICU waiting room as I stared at the white wall.

We had just minuets before said good bye to Owen. He laid there so peaceful, his hands were so small. He was so perfect. Yet, I guess most angles are. His body was so frail I knew it was the right choice to let him go but, still the haunting thought of "What if we waited a little longer, could he make it?" Ran through my mind and heart.

The room was large and cold, divided with curtains for grieving parents and tired parents who wanted to pull out a couch and sleep.

My c-section incision ached with every heave of cry I let out, Michael held me in his arms and we sobbed together.

Moments passed and a lady walked in.. She looked sad and tired. She saw we were grieving and passed us quietly. I watched as she drew her curtain, plugged in her cell phone and laid out a blanket. I could tell she had done this before. She struggled to pull out the fold out couch. Michael asked if he could help her, she Smiled and said

"No, this one sticks a little.. But, I always get it eventually." She continued .. " I've done it many, many times.. My Son is three now and he's spent most of his life here at this hospital, it's our home now. He has a failing heart, failing kidneys and brain damage, the surgeries are never ending. He suffers greatly." She paused and said, "Some days I wish the good Lord would take him home and put him at peace."

I looked at Michael, we instantly knew God sent us that lady at our lowest moment to reassure us and in some way comfort us that we had made the right decision. We gave her our apologies and said we would be praying for her and left the room.

I still think of that lady often and whisper a prayer for her when she crosses my mind. And I thank God daily for comfort, because in my comfort came healing.

loss of child

Quinn's journey

3:11 AM

On 11/3/12 at 9:45am at 26w3d pregnant, I was told by my tear filled Doctor that Quinn didn't make it. My world stopped spinning for that moment in time. Shock. Heart break.

After a all night battle to find his heart beat and to keep it steady on a monitor, we lost him. He passed due to cord entanglement.

There are so many questions unanswered and so many "what ifs?" But, In some way my heart is at peace.

God gave me this baby to love and to cherish, I did exactly that. God tested my faith and is still doing so. I won't be angry and or bitter. Yes, my heart breaks and breaks for my Husband. But, I know I will see him again someday soon. I'll never have the answers and I'm okay with that. I'm looking forward and thankful for the past. He was the best dream I ever had. And being his mommy was the biggest blessing even for a short time.

They gave me the option to deliver but due to the heart surgery that Owen needs it would be 100% fatality within hours after birth. I've decided to follow through and continue like normal in this pregnancy and hopefully go as far as I can so, that Owen has a fighting chance. There is still risk of Owen entangling but, of course they aren't as high. I requested to go home and be released from bed rest. I'm not going to monitor Owen constantly in the hospital. Instead, I'm going to go to weekly ultrasounds to check on him and make sure he's still ok. What's meant to be will be. God is still in control and always has been since day one.

Galatians 1:15

"But when He had set me apart before I was born...and had called me through His grace."

Jeremiah1:4-5
"Now the word of the Lord came to me, saying, Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you."

Thank you so much for the out pouring of love and support. I'm amazed that this blog has reached so many. We appreciate all the emails and prayers .

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