One day at a time dear Jesus
6:03 PM
Today was my first ultrasound since Quinn passed. Owen hasn't been moving much, maybe it's because I'm use to feeling two ninjas instead of just one but his movements are light and few and far between. So I sorta was prepared for the worst going into the doctors this morning.
Michael and I decided ahead of time that we didn't want to see the scan done. I want my last memory of Quinn to be the one where he was waving at us and kicking my ribs loose.
She began the scan and then asked if we wanted to see Owens face. We said yes. There he was looking at us with his round chubby cheeks. He opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue! My heart was flooded with emotions. My little boy is right there almost like I could reach out and touch him. I wish I could just bring him into this world right now and know he would make it. I just want to save him yet I can't, I have to be patient and have faith. How hard it is. My eyes filled with tears, mainly from the joy of seeing him move and knowing his heart is still beating. What a awesome moment.
We left the ultrasound room and we went to meet the doctor. The doctor explained that there was "slight cord entanglement" but Owens heart rate and vital signs seem normal.
I wish I knew how this journey would end, if God will choose to take both my boys or to in trust me with one.
You know, these babies weren't really ever mine, they are Gods..he just in trusts me with the responsibility to raise them and guide them and in the end we give them back to him. I pray that he gives me that responsibility again in my life.
The Doctor and I have decided to do weekly ultrasounds until 30wks along and then go back on hospital bed rest for monitoring and then deliver around 32-35wks along.
We pray that God gives me peace and comfort daily.
When I was a little girl we use to take long family road trips with my grandma and poppy. Well, it's been told that I would scream my head off for hours until they put in the cassette tape of a twangy country song called "one day at a time " I would instantly stop crying and sing along happily. My family ended up hating that song! ha! But I still remember the words and even today as I'm on my journey crying I can hear these words and it comforts me.
"I'm only human, I'm just a woman
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am
Show me the stairway I have to climb
Lord for my sake, help me to take
One day at a time
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm askin' of you
Just give me the strength
To do every day what I have to do
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
Lord, help me today, show me the way
One day at a time
Do you remember when you walked among men
Well Jesus you know
If you're lookin' below, it's worse now than then
Pushin' and shovin' and crowdin' my mind
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm askin' of you
Just give me the strength
To do every day what I have to do
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine
Lord, help me today, show me the way
One day at a time"
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=aDeVwU5QyaY&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DaDeVwU5QyaY
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